This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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