i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
