it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
