Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize