just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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