i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
