you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
