Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
