I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just found puke in my bra..
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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