I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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