Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
