last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
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She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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