Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
