i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
