my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
