Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
