I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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