I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
