I accidentally had phone sex last night
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
