And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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