we made out on top of his cat.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize