Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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