Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
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