I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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