She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
