I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
