Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
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Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
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I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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