i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
