party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize