i'm signing you up for texting rehab
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
