I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
