we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
