Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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