im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Ladies don't puke and tell
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
