M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
