oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
