im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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