Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
