maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
