I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I could make wine with my vomit
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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