Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
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