i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea