I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
my being single is dangerous.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
