She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
