Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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