Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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