so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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