I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
