sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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