Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Randomize
