just survived the first fart of the relationship.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
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I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
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If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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