they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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