He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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