Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
