Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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