I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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