I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
