I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
