Nicole vs. Life
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
