New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My legs feel like baby dolphins
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