Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
