hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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