I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
