hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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