i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
