when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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