How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
