I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
