Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You have to summon your inner elephant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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