my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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