Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
