Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
