and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
