I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize