i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
