At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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